after a month anything with tits is on the radar
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
