Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
