Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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