My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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