ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
