I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
