im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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