dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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