Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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