Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
