I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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