My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
