They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
