remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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