I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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