I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
