Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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