i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You are a genius and a whore.
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