There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
