I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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