I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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