i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
