I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
