dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
