suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
