I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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