I'm jealous of your bromance
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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