Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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