Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize