No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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