so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
