Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
