Your tits are I can't wait for
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
