she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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