The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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