I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
