Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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