i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
