Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
