Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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