he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
