and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
