Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
