Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
