remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
