I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
