I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
