If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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