Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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