my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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