It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
