I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
