i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The ass gains better be worth it
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