My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
