Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
