There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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