So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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