Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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