i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
