I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
