I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
