So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
