he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
