Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
