if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
